To quote Mary Oliver: “This is the first, the wildest and the wisest thing I know: that the soul exists and is built entirely out of attentiveness.”
Mary Oliver has been called “Saint Mary” in Unitarian Universalist circles because we tend to borrow her poetry for our worship services often. When “Saint Mary” claims that “the first, the wildest, and the wisest thing” that she knows bases the depth of human experience [the soul] is created by attentiveness, I am willing to explore that possibility in depth.
Attentiveness is presence. During the training to be police chaplains, we were not encouraged to be our usual minister selves, preaching, teaching, and leading; police chaplains are told to leave our beliefs at the door and to offer a simple ministry of presence. Amy Cuddy explains the meaning of presence as “removing judgment, walls and masks so as to create a true and deep connection with people or experiences.”
On Monday, November 21, 2016, Chattanooga Police Department chaplains were called to offer a ministry of presence to children and their parents at the scene of a terrible school bus accident where six children lost their lives and over twenty children were taken to the hospital with injuries. A ministry of presence is calm, gentle, affirming, non-judgmental, and loving. In the face of tragedy, caring people want to help. We think that being helpful is fixing or doing, but with a ministry of presence, doing looks like standing next to someone in silence, handing them tissue or water, covering them with a blanket. Waiting with them. Lots of waiting. Dr. John Schneider says that being healing presence is about holding hope for someone until they can hold hope for themselves. Humans are remarkably resilient when we can be held in the simple gift of one human offering attentiveness to another in those moments when our lives are shattered by grief and loss.
The wisdom of presence is found in all of the world’s great religious traditions. Our Chattanooga Police Department now has 32 ICPC trained chaplains from a variety of faith traditions. We don’t all share a common understanding of the meaning of God, salvation, prayer or spiritual practice. But, we do understand how to be fully present in times of need. Your attentiveness or presence is the greatest gift you can give.
This holiday season offers the opportunity to practice the gift of presence vs. presents. Pick at least one person this year and make their holiday present about presence!
Offer your presence by making the gift something you do together. Show someone you love that you are present to them and really see them by picking a gift that reflects something especially unique about them. Then give yourself a gift by being fully present to your own life. What can you do to bring what is truly important into full focus? It is easy to lose sight of yourself if you don’t make the time to be.
See you in church!
L, Cathy